Being honest to ourselves!

I keep going on about being open to other people and how communication is a step forward. I also emphasise this is only where appropriate, as I also value privacy. Even when you are covering up to keep face and to keep your privacy to others, it is important to be honest to yourself. Many people ignore it and just busy themselves along, I used to do this and managed by working extra hard and going at a rate much faster then others. This was ok for the short term but there comes a point where you work yourself so hard you then start to feel physically ill and it becomes a cycle. Through experience I have now found that accepting that there are going to be times when I am not at my best is one step forward, and then thinking about how I am going to deal with these times is another step. In the past I used to not like myself for these times and coped in many negative ways. I didn’t like myself because I thought it was weak to be like I was feeling and that I ought to be a better person then that. This led to a downward spiral and a hard battle to get back up again. Also the professionals tell you to try to divert when you are feeling bad, watch a program on tv, get yourself a cup of tea. This may be the solution to some people but I actually found it quite patronising, I didn’t need to be told to put the tv on, or to make a cuppa, I was quite capable of doing that if I wanted to without being told.
Another activity I was told to do was to pamper yourself in the bath, again this might be good for some people, but I was far too restless, (I hate the term agitated!) to be able to do this. Now I manage to reflect and think, ok I have been through this before, it’s not pleasant I know it is going to last for ……… what am I going to do about it. What do I actually need to make me feel better. (Ok in my head it’s, what’s the point.) But I know I have to fight this and get myself into a better state. First is there anybody I want to tell that I am not feeling good, do I need to, or can I get out of this myself? (Then you have the problem of do I tell or don’t I, and also I had two of my best friends going through tough times, so do they need me off loading, actually one of them told me it helped her to get out of her state by helping others.) Of course if you are feeling really bad it is vital that you tell someone. Now though I have come to the conclusion that I need positive reinforcement at these times, and they can come through various resources. I have now started to do things that I would never dream of doing in the past, and that is thinking of myself. What do I want to do… Yes I am going to buy my son that football he has worked hard he deserves it, or yes I am going to order that jumper because I deserve it.Or, ok I am broke this week but I will save up bit by bit to get xyz. Or, I deserve a break I am going to sit down with a book, watch tv and eat my favourite snack. I have to emphasise that this is based on me and everybody is different and ok I have only listed a couple of things, but it is taking time out to do a simple thing that would give you pleasure that you normally wouldn’t do. I asked my husband to get me a houseplant last week, we have been married for 15 years and I have NEVER asked him to do anything like that, but that plant is still flowering and giving me pleasure. Also because it was not the normal thing to do but out of routine it has given me a boost. So that is another key concept, try to treat yourself to something different, whether it is taking the dog a walk in a completely different direction and buying yourself a newspaper, snack or magazine on the way back. Or deciding to plan the garden a bit different, sometimes a shake up in routine does us all a lot of good. The important thing is also be realistic, don’t go and book that holiday which is way out of pocket, but focus on reality, treat yourself but within reason. I know some people will read this and disagree completely, others might find it a little helpful. I am still learning, and there are many ways of coping, and it isn’t always easy to be honest with yourself.

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About lisawb

I am a loving housewife and mother who has a swiss husband and two children. I love animals and therefore have plenty of different ones including 10 cats and 2 dogs. I have achieved a First class (Honours) psychology degree and have have written a book that has turned out to be a best seller. I have a facebook page for my book that also covers many other issues that is growing rapidly. I am also trying hard to work on a sequel to A Fine Line A Balance to Survive by Lisa WB.
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4 Responses to Being honest to ourselves!

  1. So agree with your above post. I suffered abuse as a child in everyway and have struggled with my mental health for a lifetime and went on to have alcohol addiction and self destructive behaviour. I always kept on with life ignoring my feelings, my pain and suppressed the demons and nightmares with alcohol and destructive relationships. I never was honest to myself and thought i would be weak to ask for help and share my feelings after all i had survived hell. But starting a university course made such a big differance to my life and allowed me to start being honest with me and my children who are my only family. I was so shocked when they all said they have been waiting to help me and knew i carried alot of pain with me and what really made me sad was my young 12 yr old telling me he likes it when i really smile and he is so happy i have started to do that as he knows that i am truly happy. I reached a point 18mths ago when i realised i did like me and wanted to find the real me as i had always worn a mask, something that protected me as a child but realised i could now remove it as i was strong enough to deal with my demons. I now take pleasure in simple things i remember enjoying as a child when i had brief times of normality. I now have started painting again, singing and doing things for me. I have been blessed with a beautiful caring family and now 2 grandchildren who i love so much and they are like a second chance to be a better role model. I am waiting to start seeing a counsellor as i still have a lot to work through but life is looking better day by day and when i have bad days i no longer hide my feelings but talk to those i know care. It is true being honest with yourself is not always easy but sure feels good when you are.

    • lisawb says:

      Thanks for your feedback it is so appreciated, and for being so honest about yourself. I can relate to your reply and I wish yo every happiness for your future, my son has just turned 13 years old, and it is my children who have helped pull me through. I congratulate you as it isn’t easy and I hope you are proud of yourself for what you have achieved.

      Warmest wishes,

      Lisax

      • Thank you! I am working on being able to be proud of myself and also believe in myself but am getting there slowly which has been helped by being open with others. I realised how much i still doubted myself whilst on a placement as i am in my final few weeks before qualifying as a adult nurse when my mentor who is also a counsellor told me what she saw, which was allowing that little voice make me doubt myself. I have since started to challenge it and wake everyday telling myself i am good at what i do and will suceed in my life. Like you i gues i have good and bad days but know in time the bad days will lessen as i learn to deal and cope with stuff more. After i qualify i want to go on to do either mental health nursing or do a counselling course as i know i have alot to offer others just by listening and understanding what they have experienced. I also hope to write about it one day as feel it may help me and if it is meant to be then may go on to help others to. I am reading your book right now and can so relate to your experiences and it is written so well. I had started with another book but found that i had really bad dreams and flashbacks so maybe not ready for that one yet. You also should be so proud of yourself and your blog/posts are fab. It is weird that i stumbled across your book and web page at a time that i needed something like that but they say people and things are placed in your path when your ready for them. Thankyou for sharing your journey with us. Bless. x

  2. lisawb says:

    I have been so touched tonight by the kindness people have shown and that the blogs and websites are helping. Your bravery in writing about your problems is admired and it fills me with hope and motivation when I hear that people like you are working hard to use their past experience in a positive manner. I think you will become a good counsellor or mental health nurse as you will already be half way there through being able to understand and relate to people. You keep smiling for that son of yours and also for yourself. I hope to be able to read your book one day and please let me know when you qualify as news like that is so enriching.

    Take care and keep believing in yourself and others will believe in you too.

    Lisax

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