Ok, I am not sure about writing this, but am doing, as I reckon I am not the only one to feel this way at times. I believe many people are vulnerable for various reasons, some it may be because of trauma in the past, some people may be vulnerable because of their social context, others biological, the list could go on. I believe my vulnerability is due to my genetic make up combined with my past, and that the present social situation can influence this vulnerability. I have been fortunate to have had quite a good run regarding my health and present status. This was completely shattered out of the blue last week, and to be honest rocked the boat considerably. As usual the trigger came as a bolt out of nowhere and it was due to a silly mistake that should have never happened, but it did. The mistake caused me to think that some significant person had not fully understood my needs, and this in turn had a knock on effect whereas I thought I had failed to meet the needs they had stated. My self esteem was shattered and I went from feeling great to feeling a failure in seconds. This had a massive effect on me, and my stability was threatened enormously. Luckily later on due to a telephone call and an explanation that this should never have happened I managed to recover and get through. Also this was about me learning to cope and not bury it but to contact support and enquire what was going on.It was due to communicating which I was never good at that this was resolved.
Usually if I went through a crisis I would be unhappy with myself and telling myself off for weeks, and the repercussion would have been that I would fall into another crisis. I have now learnt through experience to accept that I may be vulnerable at times, obviously I do not like that it can happen out of the blue, or that my stability can be affected. But what I have learnt is that by accepting that this may happen, and understanding that I can be vulnerable at times, is that not to be hard on myself and to let it go. This way I can move on quicker and broaden my platform.
So to me one step in the right direction was to communicate, and also to accept that I may be vulnerable, and that in this understanding I can move on and also strengthen my ability to cope. This also leads on to not being ashamed of what happened to being proud that I managed to deal with it.