Thoughts on child abuse, trauma …

I was thinking that one of the most helpful and healing ways of dealing with a troublesome past is to talk about it. Yet when I thought about this I realised for years it was impossible for me to do this. I also think this would be relatable for many people. I didn’t talk, I couldn’t draw, at the very beginning it was words on paper. These words hardly made sense, but it was a start. The next step was drawings, I added pictures to my words. I eventually managed to talk but I admit now, I talk about the events as if it was somebody else. My consultant thinks it incredible I wrote a book that was or is a best seller in a particular category and I still verbally deny it happened to me. I tell him that I wrote the book at a distance and I didn’t have to think about it. I was like a robot the words just came out automatically and it was on paper. I know deep down, I think it is amazing as I have written blogs about the first step forward is accepting the past and then dealing with it. My own mind blocks and although I can write what I think a person should do, I can also understand some of the difficulties involved as I can relate and share some of the experience through certain avenues.
One of the most important issues for anyone when they share anything as difficult and as personal as abuse and trauma, is the reciprocation of the sharing. The response can either support you, or send you spiralling down. Anyone hit by abuse or trauma is very vulnerable, and this makes the sharing problematic as it means trying to trust who or what you are sharing your past with. This highlights the significance of the understanding and management needing in the reciprocation, and the answer can be so simple, a gesture such as a hug can reach milestones, a nod or the sign of empathy such as a tear can heal hearts, even an understanding silence can be a positive. The real healing can be in talking and sharing and the reciprocation being an understanding shown with care, attention and empathy. The downside can be if the person doesn’t understand, acknowledge or care. Yet this also has to not be taken at face vale as some people as much as they want to share and empathise find it difficult themselves to take on a loved ones pain. They can also go into denial and simply ignore or change the subject. This is not because they don’t care, it is because they as a person are not capable to share such feelings. All of this can take time and still to this day it is a learning curve. One of the most valuable lessons I have learnt from this site is that people do care, I was unfortunate as my book did not end as I had hoped. My family turned away and hid the book. My Mum couldn’t deal with it, my elder sister has not spoken to me since and my younger one bounces from accepting and supporting the book to denial. She will not read it. These reactions did at first knock me down. Yet life is complex and I realise that if I can’t deal with some of the issues why should I expect my family to be able to. The most important thing is that I realise I am a person that deserves to be valued, and that has taken time to build, and also I have built strength to realise that different people deal with things in very different ways.

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About lisawb

I am a loving housewife and mother who has a swiss husband and two children. I love animals and therefore have plenty of different ones including 10 cats and 2 dogs. I have achieved a First class (Honours) psychology degree and have have written a book that has turned out to be a best seller. I have a facebook page for my book that also covers many other issues that is growing rapidly. I am also trying hard to work on a sequel to A Fine Line A Balance to Survive by Lisa WB.
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2 Responses to Thoughts on child abuse, trauma …

  1. I agree with all you have said. There are females in my family who were abused by the same person as me and their mothers reply “my aunt” was “its the past just get on with it” when in fact the abuser was her own brother. I ended up having an argument with her saying stop denying and hiding from the truth…My 4 female cousins had alcohol and drug problems for years because of her denial but thankfully it is now getting better…My friend you are valued more than you realise…;-)…..

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